coke vs lennon

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of ‘cocktails’, ‘highballs’ and just a good old-fashioned ‘stiff drink’. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT &DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Texan

A Texan is drinking in a Colorado bar when he gets a call on his cell phone.

He orders drinks for everybody in the bar because, announces his wife has just produced a baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Texan just shrugs, “That’s about average in Texas,folks…like I said – my boy’s a typical Texas baby boy.”

Two weeks later the Texan returns to the bar.

The bartender says, “Say, you’re the father of that baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren’t you?  Everybody’s been making’ bets about how big he’d be in two weeks…so how much does he weigh now?

“The proud father answers, “Seventeen pounds.”

The bartender is puzzled, and concerned. “What happened?  He was 25 pounds the day he was born.”

The Texas father takes a slow swig from his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, “Had him circumcised”.

Horseback Rider

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the horse’s side anyway The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune….. Frank, the Walmart greater, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

And you thought all they did was say Hello.

1. I can’t reach  my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry,  Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged  in.
3.Aren’t you the  guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you  must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy  or Barney?
6. I thought you  had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You’re not  gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. HEY! I pay your  salary!
9. Gee, officer! That’s terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know  why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying  to keep up with traffic Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That’s how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says “Gee. Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?” You probably shouldn’t respond with,”Gee Officer your eyes
look glazed, have  you been eating doughnuts?”

A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Colin, the only aborigine in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and
flirting..

At the height of the party, the host said, ‘I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in.’

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Colin in the pool fighting the croc, jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Colin and the croc were screaming and raising hell.
Finally Colin strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a dead goldfish.

Colin then slowly climbed out of the pool.
Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

The host says, ‘Well, Colin, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.’
‘Nah, you all right boss, I don’t want it,’ said Colin.

The rich man said, ‘Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?’
‘No thanks. I don’t want it,’ answered Colin…

The host said, ‘Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?
Again, Colin said “No.”

Confused, the rich man asked, ‘Well Colin, then what do you want?

Colin said: ‘I want the bastard who pushed me in.’

Parvinder and Habib are panhandlers…

They panhandle in different areas of Winnipeg MB

Habib panhandles just as long as Parvinder but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day.

Parvinder brings home a suit case FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes,lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Habib says to Parvinder ‘I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suit case full of $10 bills every day?’.

Parvinder says, ‘Look at your sign, what does it say’?

Habib’s sign reads:
‘I HAVE NO WORK, A WIFE AND 6 KIDS TO SUPPORT ‘.

Parvinder says ‘No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars’

Habib says… ‘So what does your sign say’?

Parvinder shows Habib his sign…..
It reads:
‘I ONLY NEED ANOTHER $10.00 TO MOVE BACK TO PAKISTAN

The great Canadian editor IcIrIs is here to spice up the site with my don’t give a shit attitude towards humor.

I will be doing my best to bring some randomly funny or just straight out retardedly funny posts to the site.

Expect to see a lot more posts with my name on them.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility..

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as ‘Euro-English’.

In the first year, ‘s’ will replace the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ‘c’ will be dropped in favour of ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with ‘f’. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent ‘e’ in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

THIS PHOTO WAS TAKEN WITH UNDERGROUND CAMERAS, OF 2 AFRICAN MINERS TRAPPED, WAITING TO BE RESCUED. IT WAS TAKEN IN 2003. The miners were trapped inside the African Rainbow Minerals gold mine in Orkney, South Africa 110 miles southwest of Johannesburg

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